How to Stop Comparing Yourself & Seize the Day

“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”

Coco Chanel

 

How often do you think about other people?
…Giving your attention to what so and so did or said.

 

I know I have struggled in giving my attention to others, comparing my life to theirs at times. I haven’t conquered this skill fully but below you will find ideas & resources that have helped me and can help you come closer to focusing on YOUR life.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
Marcus Aurelius

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It’s tough to only focus on what you are doing and saying, especially in this social media driven world that praises competition.

“The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say. Or think, or do.  Only what you do. Asking yourself: Is this fair?  Is this the right thing to do?”
Marcus Aurelius

 

Social media has become so popular that people can spend mindless hours scrolling through. There are some positive to social media but often, mindless scrolling, which is usually comparing your life to the lives of others, can result in depression & loneliness.

Here is an article discussing research showing how using social media increases depression & loneliness.

 

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One quick fix to this problem is to delete any channels or feeds that make you feel bad about yourself.

Remove those accounts!!!

And if you wonder, “what will so & so think if I post this?” DELETE them!! 

 

 

“About all you can do in life is be who you are. Some people will love you for you. Most will love you for what you can do for them, and some won’t like you at all.”
Rita Mae Brown

 

When you’re comparing yourself to someone else you are probably comparing in one of these two ways:

1) Comparing your worst to someone’s best.

2) Comparing your best to someone’s worst.

 

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
Steve Furtick

 

Comparing the beginning of a pursuit you have to someone who has already found success in that area is a sure way to fail.

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Remind yourself that people put their best moments on social media. You rarely or never see social media accounts of the other 70-90% of that person’s life. It’s not always as good as it appears.

Many people also compare their highlight reel to others’ worst moments.

Remember, no one is perfect. You’ve heard it before and you know it but you might struggle with perfectionism.

Learn how to love your flaws & feel better by checking out The Myth of Perfection article here.

 

There will ALWAYS be someone you can compare yourself to that you will say is better than you, and will ALWAYS be someone you can compare yourself to that you will say you are better than.

Neither are true.

“Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.”
Brene Brown

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Some techniques to help you stop comparing yourself to others:

—Bring your focus back to your life by thinking about 5 things you are grateful for today.

—Think about what YOUR strengths are.

—Don’t criticize others.

—Let the success of others inspire you.

Learn to live and love with your imperfections.

—Love yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to a real best friend.

 

“I used to be afraid when people used to say ‘oh she’s so full of herself.’ And now I embrace it. I consider it a compliment that I am full of myself. Because only when you’re full, I’m full, I’m overflowing. My cup runneth over. I have so much to offer and so much to give and I am not afraid of honoring myself.”
Oprah Winfrey

 

There have been studies regarding the regrets of people on their deathbeds. One of the top 5 regrets they have is that they wished they lived a life true to themselves instead of what other people expected. Find that study here, as well as 3 things to do to live a life you won’t regret in 30 years.

One reason why people don’t live a life true to themselves is because they compare their lives’ to another’s life, focusing on other people and not themselves.

You just can’t live YOUR life when you attention is constantly focused on ANOTHER.

It is difficult though. If it were easy everyone would do it.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson.

^^It was true in the 1800’s and it’s still true today.

 

Many people claim to be living their own life but if you look at their lives you will see how much they crave fitting in.

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Oscar Wilde

If you are reading this then you most likely want to live a life without comparisons, staying true to yourself. 

I hope you have found something here that will inspire you to live a life without comparisons.

It’s possible.

 

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Here are a few extra quotes on the subject of comparison:

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” Anonymous

“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” Judy Garland

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you.” Lao Tzu

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Ru Paul

“I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.” William Blake

“Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.” Shannon L. Alder

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.” Marilyn Monroe

“Our time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” Steve Jobs

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.” Brene Brown

“Don’t be into trends. Don’t make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way to live.” Gianni Versace

“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions…do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.” Tina Fey

“To love is to stop comparing.” Bernard Grasset

“I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.” Steve Maraboli

“Don’t waste the rest of your time here worrying about other people—unless it affects the common good.  It will keep you from doing anything useful.  You’ll be too preoccupied with what so-and-so is doing, and why, and what they’re saying, and what they’re thinking, and what they’re up to, and all the other things that throw you off and keep you from focusing on your own mind.”
Marcus Aurelius

Find more ideas & quotes in this article, “Dealing with Others’ Opinions & Actions.”

 

Carpe Diem.
Seize the day.
Get out there & live YOUR life!

 

 

 

Think Less to Live More

How much time do you spend in your mind?

I have spent quite a bit of time in my mind, and have realized that I am more fully alive when I am NOT living in my mind.

It’s good to rationalize and make the best choices you can, but it’s even better when you can make those choices without thinking too much. This takes practice…

Would you like to live a more present life, being more in the moment & less in your thoughts?

                                                                        You can. dccd640ba0fe311f5398b77682040cc0

“The birth of the mind is the death of the senses,” says Dan Millman, but it is by living through our senses that make us feel most alive. This is why many people drink alcohol or do drugs; it is because they want to escape their thoughts & live more in the present moment. Well you can reach this state of mind without the use of drugs or alcohol.

So how can we get back to living through our senses in a healthy way? 

Through Mindfulness Meditation: Defined as “Paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

We live in a world where distractions are all around us. The cell phones we carry with us at all times may be our biggest distraction; they have the ability to make you anticipate a text or call, bring you social media updates, or give you some “important” news.  I keep my phone on silent 90% of the time and have most of my notifications turned off. I rarely watch the news because most of it is there to put fear into its watchers.

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So in this World of technology & constant distractions, how can we make time for practicing Mindfulness Meditation?

To begin, you don’t need to make time for practicing Mindfulness Meditation. You can practice it in the morning as you wake up, on your commute to work, during work, and at any moment during your day.

Example of practicing Mindfulness Meditation:

It is nice to take a specific amount of devoted time for Mindfulness Meditation, but when you are just beginning you should try to practice it within your already established daily routines. The next time you are commuting to work, practice observing the things around you. Get into your senses. Don’t think about what you are seeing, see. Don’t think about what you are hearing, hear. Don’t think about what you are feeling, feel. Don’t think about what you are smelling, smell. Taste.

Don’t label the traffic as “good” or “bad,” allow it to be as it is; see it & hear it. Don’t label the weather or other drivers, just observe them, letting go of your thoughts & tapping into your senses. It’s simple, but we make it difficult.

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As you practice this, there will be a tendency for thoughts to arise, and they will. Be patient with your thoughts. Hear them in your head and then go back to observing. Take a deep breath when needed, putting your focus on your breath and then your surroundings, free of judgment.

“Turn on, tune in, drop out,” said Timothy Leary. There are many interpretations of this, but it can also relate to Mindfulness Meditation as you are dropping your thoughts & tuning in to your senses.

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“You’ve become bored to things because they exist only as names to you. The dry concepts of mind obscure your direct perception.” Dan Millman

Millman also discusses this state of mind as Satori, “which is the warrior’s state of being; it occurs when the mind is free of thought, pure awareness; the body is active, sensitive, relaxed, and the emotions are open and free.”

Reading Dan Millmans, Way Of The Peaceful Warrior, has helped me get more into this mindset.

Getting into the present moment helps us stop dwelling on past thoughts, and to stop anticipating the future. Millman says, “Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for.  The warrior is here, now. Your sorrow, your fear & anger, regret & guilt, your envy and plans and cravings live only in the past, or in the future.”

Overall Mindfulness Meditation is when you look at everything surrounding you without labeling it or judging it. You don’t look around & think “I see a chair, a cup of water, a tree. I’m tired. I need more money.” You just sit and observe, letting go of thoughts as they arise. This requires practice as all great things do, but it can be done! You don’t need to drink that 6 pack of Bud Light each night to relax. Dilly dilly. Drink in moderation sure, but this mindfulness practice can help you live more fully in a healthier way.

Again, don’t judge your thoughts as they arise, be patient with them.

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Dan Millman

The more you practice this, the more awake and alive you will feel throughout your days. You can practice Mindfulness Meditation wherever you are, and I highly encourage you to practice it everywhere.

Use your thinking mind when you need to take appropriate action, and then take action & live in the moment. Choose to pay attention to your surroundings on purpose. Stop letting your phantom mind drag you backwards. Don’t believe everything you think, we are often wrong anyway. Practice Mindfulness Meditation throughout your day. It won’t always be easy, but you have a choice.

“Old urges continue to arise, but urges do not matter; only actions do. A warrior is as a warrior does…Action always happens in the present, because it is an expression of the body, which can only exist in the here and now. But the mind is like a phantom that lives only in the past or future. It’s only power over you is to draw your attention out of the present.” Millman

Some of the answers to our biggest question are found not in thinking more, but in thinking less. In being in touch with your senses, you are able to live fully.

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Let us get back to our natural and blissful way of living. Regain your curiosity for life. Learn & observe all things.

“There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path. There is no path to love. Love is the path. There is no path to peace. Peace is the path.” Millman

“My name doesn’t matter; neither does yours.  What is important is what lies beyond names and beyond questions.” Millman

I encourage you to listen to and read anything from Dan Millman, Alan Watts, Ram Dass, Eckhart Tolle, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Thich Nhat Hanh & all the many other teachers of living a fuller & happier life in the present moment. You can read a summary of Way Of The Peaceful Warrior, by Dan Millman, by Clicking Here.

Let me know how you practice mindfulness! I love connecting with like minded individuals.